So we had our 341 meeting on Tuesday and it was a breeze. I had prepared mentally for every possible question and answer the trustee would ask for a month and NONE were asked. The BK looks like it will go through without a hitch, but I will have a better idea in a week. I did a BUNCH of worrying for nothing...as usual.
The 60 days has past that the birth father could come forward for Lincoln and so now we just wait for finalization and the temple! Yea!
The other night I was just spent at the end of the day and needed to break away. Justin put the kids to bed and I went out by myself to think (I really stormed out). I was just certain that I needed to find something else to do in order to feel happy...outside of being a mom. I was NOT consistently finding the "joy" in motherhood and was very distraught. I was getting itchy (to do something else) before Lincoln came and when he did...I felt humbled and sure Heavenly Father wanted me to focus only on motherhood for now. So I thought about what I could do...school at night? (but I can't settle on a degree that makes sense for me) study music (but I can't make much money with that...what's the point) be in a another play (but that takes so much time from being with Justin at night and weekends) What can I do that will make me feel like more of a human being again???
So the next morning I opened up my scriptures and said a little prayer that I might be lucky enough to land on a scripture that would inspire me that day. I first stumbled on MARK 9:37 "Whosoever shall receive one of such children in my name, recieveth me: and whosoever shall receive me, recieveth not me, but him that sent me"
This led me to look in the topical guide under "children". I skimmed the references and settled on one in PSALMS 113:9 which read...
"He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord."
Well this is the most profound scripture I have found for myself to date! In essence I am "barren" which is how I was blessed to adopt 4 amazing children that were clearly meant for our family. I have not been the best mom I could be and everyone who knows me knows I definitely struggle to keep up on my housework. I just kept re-reading that scripture all day a literally chuckling out loud to myself. Heavenly Father has a sense of humor! I knew then that my answer to my "joy" was not outside of my duty as mother and homemaker...but to be more actively in it!
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